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Serenity

So right now it’s the Friday after Thanksgiving. Well technically it’s Saturday but I don’t count it as that until I’ve gone to sleep for some period of time between 3-7am. I’m sitting on the couch in the quite sizable living room of my uncle’s beach house in Delaware where my extended family have convened for the past several days for Thanksgiving. Everyone else is at this point in bed leaving me alone here to fall asleep when and where I wish which will probably be right here and soon. The lights are all out and it is dark except for the fire burning on the hearth and this laptop projecting on my face. The CD that was playing on the stereo system has reached it’s end yet the music still echoes in my head. It is quiet except for the crackling of the fire and the whistling of the fierce wind blowing outside and seeping in through the gaps around a not so well sealed door making me all the more thankful for the warm glow emanating from the fireplace. This week has been fun, being with me extended family usually is. I’m a little surprised though at how enjoyable it turned out to be because I expected that everything that was bothering me back at home would stay on my mind, yet for the past couple days it’s all seemed so distant. Probably because it is. College applications is one of the things to which I refer, and I have to have one of those done by Tuesday so I should be super stressed right now but I’m not. The other thing that I expected would make this week miserable is what made last week miserable which is essentially that for the past seven weeks I’ve lived the plot of thousands of books, movies, and TV shows and right now I’m either at the unhappy ending or the plot twist thrown in to extend things another 50 pages, half hour, or season. Which of those it is I have no clue. I was hoping to be able to use this time away to think hard about it and decide which of those it is and what my course of action should be as a result, but since I got here thoughts about it feel slippery, I’m not able to hold them in my mind and concentrate and I don’t feel as bad about it either. I know though that when I get back to school Monday it will all hit me like a freight train and I probably won’t be ready for it, not that anyone could ever really be ready to be hit by a freight train. So that leaves me here and now, not sure what I should be thinking, what I should do when I get back, and not really able to care. My one prevailing thought is that I wish my co-star were here, and although that is a pleasant fantasy it is in no way helpful. All I can do is lie back, and drift to sleep.


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