The Basement

Unlike my previous story, this one has absolutely no connection to anything I’ve ever done, I just thought it was a funny idea. Enjoy!

The Basement

The three of them sat around the table in the basement. It was one of those stereotypical basements. Cement walls, pipes hanging from the ceiling, monsters stored away in dark corners just waiting for unsuspecting little children to mindlessly wander too close. In general, the basement liked to mind its own business, it didn’t mind that it didn’t get as much usage as the other rooms. It liked the solitude. Sometimes it had interesting conversations with the furnace. But of late, it had found that a few of the houses inhabitants had taken a liking to its dark unfurnished caverns. The kids who it had terrified as small children hung out down here now, and smoked. Not just cigarettes either, it smelled horrible, and the basement wished that they would take it to the garage, where there were plenty of noxious gases already and it wouldn’t matter. Of course, the basement couldn’t say any of this, because it was a basement, what did you expect? So it was forced to put up with it.

This particular evening, the smoke hung thick in the air. There was the one that belonged to the basement, quiet looking with inconspicuous brown hair, a kid with frizzy red hair, and a cool looking blonde. The basement didn’t like the blonde much, it suspected that he was the one who had started this whole thing.

“Heeey man, you ever wonder what clouds are made of?” said the blonde.

“Yeah, I was wondering that too,” said the ginger.

“You dolts, clouds are made of water.” Said the basement’s kid, who had as yet refrained from participating in the activity at hand.

“No way man, how could water be so fluffy?” asked the blonde. The basement itself had no idea, but it trusted the knowledge of it’s own kid, and thought the blonde an idiot.

“It’s water vapor, like steam,” said the basement’s kid. “Does that stuff totally erase your mind?

“Yeah man, it’s great,” replied the blonde.

“Alright, hand it over,” said the basement’s kid, to the great disappointment of the basement. He took the weed, and took a drag. He exhaled slowly, and with him the basement sighed. Soon he would be talking nonsense like the others.

“Hey, you know who’s hot? That chick, uh what’s her name, the one with the uh, thing,” said the blonde.

“Yeah, I think I know who you mean, that one who’s always saying stuff,” said the red haired kid.

“Yeah man, she is so hot. I would do her in an instant.”

“Yeah, like you’d ever have a chance,” put in the basement’s kid. The basement agreed.

“I would so have a chance.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

“I’d have more of a chance than you would.”

“No way, she’d totally go for me.”

“In your dreams, she’s mine.”

“Dudes, isn’t she with that Bret kid?” asked the red haired kid.

“Oh yeah, forgot about him,” said the blonde.

“Lucky bastard,” said the basement’s kid. And they all agreed.

“You know the government can read your thoughts,” said the blonde kid, as more of a statement than a question. The basement sighed again. This was the umpteenth time he’d said that, and the basement happened to think it was a load of crap, the government had better things to do with its time than reading the thoughts of a bunch of stoned teenagers, or did it?

“That’s ridiculous,” said the basement’s kid.

“Is not man, it’s true. I heard it somewhere,” said the blonde.


“Someone told me.”


“This guy.”

“Oh, a guy, that makes sense now.”

At this point the basement stopped paying attention. There was a spider weaving a web in a corner, and it watched that for a while. It wished it could set off the smoke alarm and clear them out, but they’d fiddled with it so it wouldn’t go off. The basement’s kid was good with stuff like that. The basement sighed again. It guessed it would just have to put up with this for couple more years.