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Things I’ll Never Be

Story time everyone! Today we revisit our two as yet unnamed characters as they muddle through the mess that is a relationship. The thing about these stories is I’m never sure if I’m getting it right, because I’ve never been in a relationship, I need to find someone who is to be a consultant. Anyways, here’s the story:

Things I’ll Never Be

“So, you want to go see a movie tonight or something?” she asked. “I think there might be something good playing at town hall.”

“Sorry, I can’t, I’m going to one of those skating party things tonight,” he replied.

“Well, can I come along?”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Why not, there’ll be girls there.”

“Yeah, there’ll be girls, but not girlfriends.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, whenever a guy brings his girlfriend along to something like this, he’s not any fun. Trust me, I’ve witnessed it first hand many times. He’s focused totally on her, and not on anything else.”

“Well, I can be different. You can totally ignore me, forget I’m your girlfriend.”

“It wouldn’t work out like that and you know it. Anyways, that’s not something I want to forget anytime soon,” he said with a smile, which he hoped would put an end to the matter.

“Why are you being like this? You never want to take me to any of these things, why?”

“Okay, you really want to know? It’s because back before we were together, when I was a lonely nobody, there were certain things I swore to myself I would never do, no matter what the circumstances, because other people doing them annoyed me so much. One of those things was that I would never be one of those guys who brings his girlfriend along everywhere, because as I said before, they get totally absorbed in each other, and even worse, all the guys without girlfriends feel even worse than they already do. Unless she’s a total bitch that is, then they feel better.”

“Okay fine, I won’t come. But now I’m curious, what were some of these other things you swore you would never do?”

“Hmm… let’s see. Oh, I swore I would never put a picture of myself kissing up on Facebook, and god forbid I should set it as my profile picture. I… I swore I would never be one of those people who make out in the hallways, or show much affection in public otherwise, those people annoy the hell out of me.”

“Hey, I was one of those people!”

“I know you were, so it’s a miracle you got me.”

“Huh, go on.”

“Well, I swore I would never profess my love for someone through a Facebook status update…”

“Hold on a minute, these all have something to do with a girl, and if I remember correctly at the time there was little to no chance of any of this even being an option for you.”

“Well it’s an option now, I was being prepared. Besides, it’s fun fantasizing about these things, it’s all some people have. It’s all I had.”

“Do you have any not related to women?”

“Not really, almost all of my big annoyances were related to this. But the most important of all of them was I swore that I would never desert my friends if I ended up with someone like you, which means not doing any of the above.”

“Nice of you.”

“I know, I’m a nice person. Also a genius, and the luckiest guy on earth to be here with you. But most importantly a genius.”

“Shut up,” she said playfully.

“Well I am, and actually right now, I’m a genius who has to go, so I’ll see you later okay?”

“Alright, I’ll see you later, you’re getting away with this one, but one of these times I’m going to force you to break your rule and take me along with you.”

“Ha, I’d like to see you try,” he said, kissed her, and left.


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